Why Play Might Be the Leadership Skill You’re Missing

A few weeks ago, some friends came to visit us, and for several days our house was exactly what summer is supposed to be.

The kids spent their days riding bikes, swimming, exploring Portland, staying up late, and lots of laughter. We packed picnic lunches, chased waterfalls, and squeezed every ounce we could out of those few days together. When they left, one of my kids said, “That time went by so fast.“

Of course it did. We were playing…

A few days later, we found ourselves back in our normal routine. There was more screen time, fewer adventures, and a lot more sitting around the house. I noticed something almost immediately—not just in my kids, but in myself. Everyone was a little quicker to get frustrated. The energy felt different. We weren’t doing anything wrong, but we also weren’t experiencing the kind of joy that comes from sharing an experience together.

That observation became the starting point for a recent conversation I had with Dr. Linda Schubring on our podcast. I asked her what it is about play that seems to change us so quickly. Her answer was simple.

“Play is what gets us out of our head.”

The more we unpacked that sentence, the more I realized we weren’t really talking about children or vacations or even summer. We were talking about leadership.

Somewhere Along the Way, We Stop Playing

Children don’t need permission to play. Give them almost anything—a stick, an Amazon box—and they’ll invent a game. They’re not worried about whether they’re learning something or becoming more resilient. They simply throw themselves into the experience because it’s fun.

Adults, on the other hand, become remarkably efficient at squeezing fun out of life.

We optimize our calendars. We measure our productivity. We convince ourselves that every hour should accomplish something tangible. Even when we have “free” time, many of us reach for our phones instead of doing something that actually refreshes us.

I don’t think that’s because we’ve stopped enjoying play. I think we’ve forgotten what it does for us.

Linda pointed out that when life becomes uncertain—and for many organizations, uncertainty feels like the default setting right now—our instinct is to become even more serious. We tighten our grip. Meetings become more structured. Conversations become more transactional. We tell ourselves we’ll relax after the next deadline or once the next challenge is behind us.

But what if that’s exactly backwards?

What if the moments that feel the least productive are actually the ones that can help us become more connected, more creative, and ultimately better leaders?

Play Is Practice—We Just Don’t Call It That

One part of our conversation immediately made me think about coaching cross country this fall.

I’ve been reading a book called Running Games. Instead of making elementary school kids run endless laps around a field, the author teaches endurance through games. The kids chase each other. They play tag. They race through obstacle courses. They laugh the entire time.

The kids think they’re playing.

But the coach, me, knows they’re practicing.

That idea has been stuck in my head because I think it’s true far beyond youth sports.

Play is practice in disguise.

Kids don’t realize they’re learning perseverance when they get tagged and have to start over. They aren’t thinking about communication skills when they’re figuring out how to work together. They aren’t worried about resilience when they fall down and jump back into the game. They simply play, and the growth happens almost as a byproduct.

As adults, we tend to separate those two ideas. We assume practice has to be difficult to count. We think growth should feel uncomfortable. We believe that if we’re learning something new, we should probably already know how to do it.

Leadership doesn’t work that way.

Every difficult conversation is practice. Every presentation is practice. Every staff meeting, every coaching conversation, every conflict you work through with your team is another opportunity to become a little more patient, a little more curious, and a little more effective than you were yesterday.

We Forget That Wonder Builds Confidence

Later in the conversation, Linda shared a story from a family vacation that made me laugh. Her teenage nephew convinced her to go tubing behind a jet ski. It wasn’t exactly her idea of a relaxing afternoon, but by the end of it they were laughing so hard that it became one of the defining memories of the entire trip.

Her story reminded me of something that happened with one of my daughters earlier this summer.

We were at Mount Hood, where they had a bungee jump among other trill activities. She was excited while she stood in line, but once she was strapped in and it was her turn to jump, I could see the hesitation. There was a long pause before she finally stepped off the platform.

When it was over, she had the biggest smile on her face and immediately asked if she could do it again.

A few days later, she was nervous about trying something else. All I had to do was remind her that she’d already jumped off a platform attached to giant bungee cords. Compared to that, this next challenge wasn’t nearly as intimidating.

She needed someone to remind her of what she’d already done.

I wonder how often leaders need that same reminder.

We spend so much time thinking about the next challenge that we forget all the difficult things we’ve already navigated. The project that seemed impossible. The conversation we were dreading. The new role we weren’t sure we could handle. Looking back, those experiences often become the very things that give us confidence for whatever comes next.

Maybe Healthy Teams Play More Than We Think

One thing I appreciated about Linda’s perspective is that she wasn’t arguing every team needs an escape room or a ropes course.

In fact, forced fun usually isn’t very fun.

The healthiest teams I’ve been around—including our own at Leadership Vision—don’t laugh because someone scheduled a mandatory team-building exercise. They laugh because they’ve built enough trust to enjoy being together. They’re willing to tease one another, celebrate small wins, admit mistakes, and approach challenges with curiosity instead of fear.

That’s a form of play.

It creates psychological safety without anyone ever using the phrase “psychological safety.”

It reminds people that they’re more than coworkers trying to accomplish a list of tasks. They’re human beings who are building something together.

Maybe That’s the Invitation

When I think back on this conversation with Linda, I’m struck by how easy it is to believe that becoming a better leader means doing more.

• Reading another book.
• Listening to another podcast.
• Finding another productivity system.

Those things certainly have their place. But maybe leadership growth isn’t always about adding something new. Maybe sometimes it’s about reclaiming something we’ve quietly left behind.

Play reminds us to be curious. It reminds us to practice without worrying about perfection. It helps us laugh, connect, and remember that the people around us matter just as much as the work we’re trying to accomplish.

So as strange as it may sound, maybe one of the healthiest leadership habits you could develop this week has nothing to do with your calendar, your strategy, or your next meeting.

Maybe it’s simply finding a way to play.

Because if Linda is right—and I think she is—it might just be the fastest way to get out of your head and back into the relationships that matter most.

Questions?

We would love to hear about how you have found ways to play in your life – connect with me at nathan@leadershipvisionconsulting.com.