Doing Hard Things: Rethinking What It Means to Be Mentally Tough

Doing Hard Things Starts with Rethinking Toughness

If someone asked you what it means to be mentally tough, what would you say?

For many of us, the answer probably sounds familiar: push through the pain, work a little harder, don’t complain, and never let people see you struggle.

It’s a message we’ve absorbed from sports, work, and culture for decades. The people we admire are often the ones who seem willing to outwork everyone else, no matter the cost.

But what if we’ve been defining toughness all wrong?

In this re-released episode of the Leadership Vision Podcast, Brian Schubring and I have a conversation about Do Hard Things by Steve Magness, a book that challenges many of our assumptions about resilience. Instead of encouraging us to simply “grind harder,” Magness offers a different picture of mental toughness—one built on awareness, self-acceptance, and learning how to respond thoughtfully when life becomes difficult.

Your Emotions Aren’t the Enemy

One of the ideas that stood out to me as I was reviewing it, is that emotions aren’t something to suppress—they’re something to understand.

When we’re frustrated, anxious, overwhelmed, or discouraged, our instinct is often to either ignore those feelings or let them take over. Magness suggests another option: become curious.

Instead of asking, “How do I stop feeling this?” we might ask, “What is this feeling trying to tell me?”

That small shift changes the conversation entirely. Our emotions become information instead of obstacles. They become signals that help us better understand ourselves, the people around us, and the situation we’re navigating.

For leaders, parents, teammates, and anyone trying to grow, that’s an incredibly practical skill.

Sometimes You Need to Zoom Out

Another concept Brian and Nathan discuss is what Magness calls “zooming.”

When we’re stressed, it’s easy to become consumed by whatever is directly in front of us. A difficult conversation. A missed deadline. A conflict at home. A disappointing outcome. Sometimes we need to zoom in and focus on the details. But other times, the healthiest thing we can do is zoom out.

• Will this still matter six months from now?
• What have I already overcome that prepared me for this moment?
• How might my future self view today’s challenge?

Changing our perspective doesn’t make problems disappear, but it often reminds us that they are temporary—and that we’re more capable than we sometimes believe.

Stop Trying to Be Someone Else

One of Brian’s biggest takeaways from the book is surprisingly simple: stop pretending to be someone you’re not.

Magness writes openly from the perspective of an athlete because that’s who he is. Brian connected with that immediately. Rather than trying to hide the lens through which he experiences the world, he was reminded that our experiences, strengths, and stories are part of what make us effective leaders.

The same is true for all of us.

Leadership isn’t about fitting someone else’s mold. It’s about understanding who you are, accepting that reality, and learning how to lead from that place with confidence and humility.

Doing Hard Things Is a Practice

Perhaps the biggest takeaway from this episode is that resilience isn’t something you either have or you don’t.

It’s something you practice.

And if you can practice it, you can get better at it. And if you can get better at it, you can work to improve that response and practice again. And on, and on…

Every difficult conversation gives us another opportunity to respond instead of react. Every setback invites us to learn something about ourselves. Every uncomfortable moment becomes a chance to build the kind of resilience that isn’t based on pretending everything is fine, but on knowing we can navigate whatever comes next.

Real toughness isn’t about having all the answers or never feeling fear. It’s about staying present long enough to discover that you’re capable of more than you thought.

Questions?

We would love to hear about the Hard Things in your life – connect with me at nathan@leadershipvisionconsulting.com.